Amber Heard

I Do... Until I Don't

First Hit:  Although not well crafted, it had some funny sections and the film ended nicely.

Lake Bell as both director and lead actor did a fair job in developing this film. What didn’t work was that some scenes seemed forced while others ended with little reason for being and did not set up another scene. What did work for me was that there were some very out-loud funny moments and I liked how the film came together in the end.

The film follows three types of relationships partially through the eyes of a relationship guru named Vivian (Dolly Wells). She wants to prove her theory that marriage between two people cannot be "until death do you part." She surmises that people live longer these days so that this promise is not in tune with the changes in our aging process. What she thinks and believes is that after seven years of marriage a couple should have the option to renew or not. To prove her theory, she wants to video a couple falling apart to prove her point.

One relationship that Vivian follows is Bell as Alice who is married to Noah (Ed Helms). They own a window blind store that is failing. The reason it is failing is that he holds on to the ways his father and his grandfather ran the business and doesn’t want to change. They need money as they are about to go into Chapter 13 bankruptcy. Alice thinks by working with Vivian she might make some money. Adding to their issues, Alice doesn’t want to have children while Noah does. Alice also thinks that Noah is hot for her sister Fanny (Amber Heard).

Fanny and Zander (Wyatt Cenac) are not married but have been together for six years. They are raising a son and have publicly declared they’re in an open relationship. There is talk about having other partners but in the end, we find out that they're more talk than action (more sizzle than steak). This is another couple Vivian decides to video because she thinks their relationship will fail.

Lastly, she makes a deal to video Cybil and Harvey (Mary Steenburgen and Paul Reiser respectively) who appear to be tired of their long term marriage. Their communication is mostly made up of snide and snippy remarks towards each other. Cybil is intent on serving Harvey with divorce papers for Vivian’s video and has been guaranteed $10,000.

What the film follows is how these couples set up both their failures and successes with each other. In the course of their interactions, there are naturally developed situations and scenes that are laugh-out-loud funny. Two such scenes are when Alice tries to make money by becoming a massage therapist that gives happy endings to clients. Her first time attempt to do this happens to be with Harvey, who gets a happy ending massage coupon from his wife, Cybil. Their interaction is very funny. Another amusing scene is when Alice and Harvey meet, after the massage, Alice’s reaction is priceless.

When the couples learn about how they are being used by Vivian and that they still love each other, they plan to teach Vivian a lesson.

Bell is up and down in her character, there are times I thought her reactions were not congruent with her character. Helms is okay as Bell’s husband and as consistent in his character. Steenburgen was wonderful. I loved her shift through the film. Reiser is very strong as Harvey the quiet, semi-lost, husband looking for a way to share his deep caring for Cybil. Heard is very good as the free flowing and free spirited sister. Cenac was very good as Fanny’s partner and when he shows his true color for someone trying to seduce Fanny, it is perfect. Wells was funny and okay as the videographer who has a strong opinion about marriage based on her own failings. Lake Bell wrote and directed this film along with starring in it. Not many people do all three successfully and as the film and story evolved it got better which gives me hope that future offerings by Bell will continue to be stronger.

Overall:  The ending made up for some of the failings of the beginning scenes.

3 Days to Kill

First Hit:  Parts were really funny; some were really unrealistic, but overall it was entertaining.

Does the CIA really have agents that act and look like a hooker that drive around in an Audi R8 sports cars? I doubt it. But here the head agent Vivi Delay (Amber Heard) charged with killing “The Wolf” (Richard Sammel) gets to do this and more.

The plot is a bit convoluted with “The Albino” (Tomas Lemarquis) and some other characters who work for The Wolf while he’s trying to sell a dirty bomb. To get the job done Vivi hires Ethan Renner (Kevin Costner) who is a veteran at killing people for the agency. He’s grizzled yet he’s got a soft spot for his daughter Zoey (Hailee Steinfeld) whom he hasn’t seen since she was a small child.

Each year he contacts her on her birthday but that’s it. He’s fighting what he thinks is a cold but discovers he’s got cancer and only has a few months to live. With this news he wants to spend more time with his daughter and wife Christine (Connie Nielsen). Both are reluctant to have him back in their lives while Christine makes him promise to quit doing jobs for the Agency. But Vivi hooks him in by offering him a unclassified drug that might extend his life a bit.

The funniest part was when he and Vivi are trying to decide which guy in the room is The Wolf’s accountant.

Costner is fun, craggily, physical and smooth. I enjoy watching him use his experience in these parts to make them work for the audience and story. Heard is quirky and electric as the agent. Steinfeld is very good as the daughter who is trying to figure out if she cares, why she cares, and how to express her mixed emotions. Nielsen is very good as Costner’s estranged wife. Adi Hasak and Luc Besson wrote an unbelievable script but in the end it worked. McG (Joseph McGinty Nichol) directed this and cannot figure out what impels him to use “McG” as his name, when the film pretty good – don’t we want to know his name?

Overall:  I was entertained throughout this implausible story.

Machete Kills

First Hit: As expected bloody, poorly acted and shows why the original not worth having a sequel.

I found the first “Machete” an interesting anomaly but this one showed that a "one off" doesn't deserve more film or time.

The gall of the film starting with a quasi-preview of the next Machete was even worse. Although Danny Trejo looks mean and tough, his overall stature, lack of graceful movement, and inability to create a character worth caring about was a waste of Trejo’s talents.

A convoluted uninspiring plot including a schizophrenic drug lord Mendez (Demian Bichir), a mean and clueless Miss San Antonio (Amber Heard), an amusing El Camaleon (played by: Lady Gaga, Antonio Banderas, Walton Goggins, Cuba Gooding Jr.), and a scientific eccentric cult leader Voz (Mel Gibson).

The fun parts of the film were Cuba Gooding Jr. in his turn as El Camaleon. He brought a campy humor to a film that when I left the theater I murmured, with nodded agreement from another guest, “a waste of my time”.

Trejo would do well to get out of working with Director Robert Rodriguez on this sort of film, if he wants to advance his career. Michelle Rodriguez as Luz was fully underused. Cuba Gooding Jr. was the only real fun person to watch. Gaga was OK as was Banderas and Goggins as other personalities of El Camaleon. Bichir tried his best but it was more a poor story than his acting. Heard was probably the second best thing in the film as she spit out a conservative set of lines about immigration and gun control. Gibson attempted to bring up the magic that made him great in Mad Max and the Lethal Weapon series. Kyle Ward wrote a screenplay that probably matched Robert and Marcel Rodriguez's idea for a story. Robert Rodriguez’s direction was immature, lacked focus, and attempted to build a resume off of his first Machete effort – not very smart. He may get money for it but not raising the bar is inexcusable. I will not waste any money of the next sequel.

Overall:  Do not waste your time or money – just remember the first Machete and know it is a cut above this.

The Rum Diary

First Hit:  This film started strong and fully engaged me, but started falling apart in the middle and by the end it was definitely time to go.

My guess is that this film was a way to honor Hunter S. Thompson who wrote the novel from which the screenplay is based. I did wonder if this story and film were a way to reflect Thompson’s real or imagined escapades.

Having read most of Thompson’s stories and stories about Thompson; Johnny Depp played Kemp (story’s main character) much like Thompson (his real life friend) himself. 

The film traces Kemp arriving in Puerto Rico to take a job at the local paper. He’s looking for a place to land and to find a career. The paper is being run by Lotterman (played by Richard Jenkins), a crusty old guy with a bad toupee who is halfway attempting to save the paper. Kemp learns early that he’s the only semi-sane reporter on staff as the other prime reporter Moburg (played by Giovanni Ribisi) is perpetually high on something but mostly rum.

Kemp gets courted to write positive words about a team of people, led by Sanderson (played by Aaron Eckhart), who are attempting to build hotels on an island owned by the US Government. Sanderson, has a girlfriend named Chenault (played by Amber Heard) whom Kemp falls in love with.

The longer the film goes the more it meanders. Half way through the film, I was left wondering what the point would be in the end. At the end, I didn’t care what the point was.

Depp did a good impression of Thompson for about ¾ of the film but lost the film lost it point the longer it went. Jenkins was good as the old newspaper guy who didn’t care much. Ribisi was very good as the perpetually high reporter who never went to work. Eckhart was strong as the sleazy guy who thinks he can get anyone to do what he wants. Heard was sweet and sultry as “the girl”. Bruce Robinson wrote this meandering screenplay and directed it the same way.

Overall: I had high hopes for this film and they faded by the middle of its 2 hour presentation.

The Joneses

First Hit: Could have been more fully fleshed out to make it more interesting.

The obvious set-up is that people do outlandish and stupid things to keep up with The Joneses. This film is about a family unit called the Jones.

Demi Moore plays Kate Jones who is head of this unit. In her unit are her pretend husband Steve Jones (played by David Duchovny) and fake children Jenn Jones (played by Amber Heard) and Mick Jones (played by Ben Hollingsworth).

The unit is really a sales machine. It is not a real family although they pretend they are to the world around them. They exist to sell merchandize the manufactures and sponsors want them to sell at any given time.

The unit moves into an area and sells their lifestyle, what they appear to own, use and eat, to neighbors and friends. They do this by being the people everyone else wants to be. The kids are hip, have the newest and hippest things, and look just great.

The adults mingle at country clubs, hair salons, or anywhere they can influence others with their shiny new toys and extra fantastic good looks. By showing off what they have others may think they will be happy if they have the same stuff, just like The Joneses.

We all know the fallacy of this argument. You like Steve’s watch and buy one, Steve’s sales ratio goes up. You like Mick’s new hand held video game and buy one; Mick’s sales ratio goes up. This is Kate's first assignment as lead member of a unit and really is pushing to get the entire unit's sales up so that they can get "icon" status.

Only once, during this film, do we understand why anyone would want this kind of life when Steve’s background and history is revealed to the audience. But why is Kate so driven to this lifestyle? How do kids become part of a family unit? Where are their real parents? Are they orphans?

This is where the film falls apart. There is very little background context to the story to make it plausible and therefore are suppose to just accept it. Not that the idea wasn’t good, it just wasn’t well developed.

Moore looks good and carries off the style of the part rather well. She can be cold, distant, directorial, attractive and alluring; but when Duchovny asks her if she ever wants to have a real family, her response was “no” as if she was capable of having kids. She is young enough to have the older kids in the film but too old to even entertain having new kids. Duchovny is the most fleshed out character of the group and this is an asset to both him and the film. His role is to be the conscious of the unit and questions the legitimacy of what they are doing. In the end he makes the right choice. Derrick Borte co-wrote and directed this film and unfortunately there was little character development which might have made this somewhat entertaining film a whole lot better.

Overall:  At best this is a rental film and has mild entertainment value but not worth a full price of admission.

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